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TranslateTranslateBrothers in Arms
by Dark Amethyst
Chapter 13
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= = = N = = =
I don�t return to Naru until quite late the next morning, wanting to let her get a good rest. I find her still asleep, but in different clothes. Her colour is better today - not so pale. She looks�happier.
�Naru,� I call softly.
Her eyes fly open wide, shining with hope and fear. She sits up in bed, staring at me unsmiling, studying me with desperate intensity.
�Nephrite,� she says finally, but it is a question. �Is it�you?�
I step slowly over to her and sit down on the edge of her bed, then take her small hand tentatively.
�It�s me. Don�t be afraid.�
�Oh � Nephrite�,� she gasps then, relief and belief washing over her in a wave. She lowers her face to press her cheek against my hand. �When I read your note�I couldn�t believe it. I thought maybe it was a trick of�of that horrible man�s��
�Zoicite.� I supply the name for the dreaded face. �No. It�s true. It�s me. I�m here.� I stroke her silk-soft hair, comforting her. But the mention of Zoicite reminds me of the danger of my presence�to both of us�to Earth itself. �Naru, listen. Look at me?�
She lifts her face to find my eyes with hers. She�s crying again, but I think it�s relief now instead of misery. I brush a tear away, trailing my thumb slowly along her jaw.
�I�m sorry, Naru-chan, for what you�ve gone through. I did my very best to prevent it�but I failed. I�m sorry.�
She shakes her head, smiling.
�No. It doesn�t matter. All that matters is that you�re back�that you�re here with me now.�
I return a slight smile, but my heart is still brooding with thoughts of how I�ve hurt her�how I will never do it again.
�I am here,� I repeat, reassuring her, as she has clasped my hand in both of hers, as if afraid I�ll disappear on her yet again. �Naru-chan. I need you to promise me something.�
�Anything,� she says readily, gazing at me as starry-eyed as she ever did�still able to look at me like that, despite all she�s suffered on my account.
�You must not let anyone know that I still live. Not anyone. Do you understand?�
�Yes,� she answers, nodding.
�Not your mother. Not Usagi. No one.�
�I won�t. I promise.�
�Sanjouin Masato�and Nephrite�are dead. And you have to pretend it�s true. Because if anyone finds out it�s not, they�ll be after me again�after you. You must keep it from everyone. You must seem sad, Naru-chan.�
She laughs at me, tears still in her eyes.
�I feel like I�ll never be sad again,� she says. �When we were talking yesterday�in the park�I felt so happy�to be so close to you. And then�when I thought I lost you�I�ve never been so sad. I wanted�to kill myself, Nephrite. I don�t remember coming home�coming to bed. I just wanted to die.�
I grip her hand in mine more tightly, as sorrow threatens to overwhelm her again. She looks up at me, and her smile returns.
�But now�I�m happier than I could ever have imagined.� She giggles again and tilts her head at me. �Maybe now�we could have that chocolate parfait?�
�I�m sorry,� I sigh, meaning it. �But that�s impossible�for now,� I amend as her smile wavers. �Naru�this next little while will be hard for everybody. Dangerous. There are some things I�ve got to explain to you.�
She is quiet while I tell her something of what brought me back to her, and of the current situation�my plans and fears. She looks older than I imagine her, when she�s not smiling. That�s the maturity that suffering brings. And I feel terrible to do all this to her�to blight her happy innocent childhood.
�So you see,� I finish at last, having told her all I can�and all of it the truth, for once. �Things are uncertain�for now. I�m so sorry, Naru-chan, that things can�t be easy�that I can�t promise you I�ll be here forever.�
And I am sorry�desperately sorry now, and torn. Rachael�s words burn in my mind�urging me to take Naru far away, somewhere safe, and face an untroubled future. Naru�s smile is long gone, replaced by a distressed worried look. It�s not fair, her looking like that. I want to make her happy�keep her happy�give her everything�give her myself�all of me. But I can�t. Because part of myself is with my friends. And I�ll never be whole without that part.
�Do you see that I have no choice?� I ask her, making her look at me, caressing her cheek in what is becoming a habit. �I have to try to save them. They�re more than friends. They�ve been through everything I�ve been through, since the beginning, a thousand years ago.� Naru-chan has reached up to touch my face worriedly, as I find myself suddenly overcome with emotion, trying to explain it to her. �They�re part of me, somehow� like family�like brothers. I�ve got to try to help them.�
�I understand, Nephrite-sama,� Naru says softly, soberly.
�I knew you would.� I smile encouragingly at her, and draw closer, bringing my face nearer to hers. She�s so young. And yet, not so, in many ways. I�ve seen her as a woman�such a beautiful woman. And even now I see the promise of that�in those long legs�the curve of her waist. She�s not so very far away. And her eyes are the same. Within this child is that woman, looking out at me�wanting me, as I want her. But�there�s propriety to consider�I suppose.
I kiss her cheek, to our mutual feeling of disappointment. But frustrated lust is a small thing, given the big picture. We�ll survive.
I stand up reluctantly.
�I�m afraid I have to go. Here�,� I dig into my pocket and fish out a paper, handing it to her. �I got a cell-phone. There�s the number. You�re the only one who has it. If you need me, you can always reach me. But don�t forget��
�You�re dead,� she finishes for me, with a sad quirk of a smile, then looks back down to her hands, toying with the paper.
�To everyone but you. I have something else for you.�
She looks back up to see the small box I�m offering her. She smiles shyly and takes it from me, opening it to find the delicate gold ring within. She doesn�t put it on, staring at it, blinking back tears.
Perhaps she�s overwhelmed, and who can blame her? A simple schoolgirl crush, and look where it�s led her�in such a short time. She�s caught now�tangled in this web of fate and history�with the rest of us. Fate, is it? Was she meant for me � this passionate, vivacious child�or have I at last begun to make my own path�my own life.
She still hasn�t put the ring on, and I sit back down on the bed and take the box from her, holding her eye as I slip the band around her slender finger.
�It�s a token, Naru,� I tell her, thinking perhaps that she�s afraid it�s more. �A symbol. Something of me, for you to keep. To remind you that I��
I find my voice suddenly restricted, and I�m surprised at the sudden depths of my emotion. I fight to remain audible, fight to keep her eye.
�I�ve never given anyone a ring�not in all these years. There have been girls enough. But I�ve never felt this way. What you are to me, I can�t even explain. You�ve drawn me out of a darkness�indescribable. You�ve saved me, and made me whole again. I am yours�heart and soul and flesh. That�s what it means, Naru. When I can�t be with you, you can look at this ring, and�remember that.�
I�m a coward. Why can I not say it? I would walk through fire for her�what are three mere words? They will not change things�won�t seal her to me for eternity�won�t mean an unbreakable promise�it�s far too late. It�s already so, within my heart�and there remains only the words to affirm it�a token, like the ring�perhaps the token Naru is waiting for.
I screw up my courage�resign all my defences�and lay my naked heart before her.
�I love you, Naru-chan. And with my last breath, I will try to be worthy of you.�
= = = R = = =
When Kunzite teleports us back to his tower, Zoicite is thankfully not there. I stand where I materialized as Kunzite moves about the dimly lit room, finally taking a seat in an evilly gothic carven chair. He notices me eventually, still standing immobile.
�You�re dismissed,� he orders offhandedly, nodding his head towards the deeper darkness at the fringes of the room. �But you will stay close, ready at my summons. Do you understand?�
�Yes,� I answer quietly. I step slightly towards the shadows he indicated, peering nervously into the gloom. �My lord�? Where do I go to eat? Or to sleep?�
He turns to look at me, his forehead creased in annoyance and incomprehension.
�You�re a youma now,� he tells me harshly, turning his face away. �You will do as they do.�
I can see that our �conversation� is over and I look again into the darkness. I step slowly away from him, and as I grow accustomed to the dimness I notice several other figures sitting motionlessly, watching me with ghostly white eyes. I find an unoccupied stretch of wall and sit down against it unsurely. The floor is freezing and hard as a rock. It is rock, actually. I can see Kunzite sitting, his back to me, in the lighter warmer room. Perfect, I suppose, for my �mission�. I can observe him at my leisure. But how can I stay here�for days on end�like this? How do all these youma manage it?
I turn to look at my nearest neighbour who, to my discomfort, is staring at me. It�s too dark in here to discern much of her eccentric costume, but she looks female to me.
�Hi,� I venture quietly, as a prelude�but I get no further. The blank eyes narrow at me in what is either incomprehension or pure evil. I shut my mouth and draw my arms around my knees, reflecting on my answer. They manage it because they�re empty inside�like drones, I guess. No will of their own�except perhaps the will to kill me. I keep my eyes fixed on Kunzite, almost missing him. Evil or not, at least he�s�human.
�
Time goes by unnoticed. I can�t tell if it�s minutes or hours, having nothing but the beat of my heart to go by. Kunzite sleeps in his chair. The youma still stare at me. And I stare at Kunzite. A motionless tableau. The adrenalin rush of initial terror has worn off now, and my eyes are threatening to shut from the deadly boredom. But I daren�t.
Just when I feel that I�ll have to stand up to keep myself from falling asleep, a whirling cloud of pink appears near Kunzite�s chair�and Zoicite appears. Fear pours over me with the shock of ice water. I desperately freeze every muscle, even though I haven�t moved in hours. Zoicite turns his fine-boned face in my direction, glancing quickly around, and as his gaze travels past mine, I can�t even breathe, certain that he will sniff me out�see the fear in me. But he doesn�t, and I thank god for this obscuring darkness. I feel a rush of dizzy relief as he turns his attention to Kunzite, laying a hand lightly on his shoulder.
I calm my pounding heart to listen. Despite their distance, their voices carry clearly to me, bouncing easily off the expanse of stone. Zoicite mentions nijizuishou�crystals and trapped warriors�and he�s fuming over the appearance of a new senshi � Sailor Jupiter. Kunzite is quiet and thoughtful, balancing Zoicite�s passion. He hasn�t risen, while Zoicite paces relentlessly around his chair. Then suddenly, Zoicite steps up beside him and leans over to embrace his neck, stretching out one hand before him�showing off a glittering crystal. Kunzite smiles delightedly, taking the gem and holding it up to see the light shine through it.
�Well done, Zoi,� he approves quietly. �Beryl will be pleased.�
Zoicite glows at Kunzite�s praise, resting his head against Kunzite�s in what looks like tenderness.
�Six more,� he says softly. �They will be ours.�
Kunzite doesn�t return the crystal to Zoicite, but rises to place it reverently in a case upon a table.
�Six more,� he agrees, staring down at it with dark desire. He turns suddenly to Zoicite, with a different tone.
�Time to find the next one.�
�Hai,� Zoicite obeys meekly. He produces another crystal, holding it up and calling upon it. It responds with a rush of light�a projection of an image�a man, clothed in black�in a cassock, I think. A minister?
Zoicite laughs � that horrible laugh that freezes my blood.
�What a joke.�
�Deal with him,� Kunzite orders with cold sobriety.
�Tomorrow, my dear one,� Zoicite nearly sighs, moving closer to Kunzite, stepping back against him, into his embrace, still regarding the image. �It�s night there now. Tomorrow I�ll have him. And God help him.�
Zoicite laughs like a maniac at his own humour, and even Kunzite joins in, turning Zoicite in his arms to look down at him. He reaches down to toy with a curl of golden hair. He says something, but it�s too soft for me to catch. And suddenly they�re gone, in a blue flash of energy.
The sudden depths of silence they leave behind startle me. I feel suddenly, frighteningly, how utterly alone I am � zombie-youma not withstanding. I could weep, I feel so lost and afraid�and I fight not to. I think of Nephrite. Of why I�m here. I tell myself that warriors don�t cry.
Thinking of my mission reminds me that I ought to report. I clear my mind of all its muddled emotion and focus on Nephrite�begging the stars to reach him. I wait�and wait. It seems hopeless, and I�m about to give up�when a voice floats into my brain.
�Rachael?�
�Yes, Nephrite�it�s me,� I think excitedly�so relieved to �hear� his voice�to have some confirmation of who I am�that I�m still alive. �I�ve learned some things I thought you should know��
I tell him what I�ve seen, about the new senshi and about the 7 nijizuishou. But he dismisses this � he�s learned it already from watching Sailor Moon. I feel slightly crestfallen, but pass on to him the image of the priest�the next nijizuishou carrier.
�Who is he? Where do we find him?� Nephrite demands of me impatiently.
�I�don�t know,� I falter sadly. �I only know what I�ve told you. How will Zoicite find him?�
�He has the crystal to guide him. We don�t,� Nephrite answers frustratedly.
I ponder a moment, feeling miserable.
�Well�perhaps the stars can tell you?� I suggest lifelessly after a moment. I can feel Nephrite mull this over. It�s very odd�almost like when we shared a consciousness�I can feel his feelings as well as hear his thoughts. For a moment, his irritation and anger fade, replaced by speculative hope.
�Perhaps that will work,� he says more gently. �And if you hear any more, you let me know.�
�Nephrite I�,� I begin, my loneliness and fear creeping back to me, at the prospect of losing him. I catch the words though, before I speak them. I want to beg him to let me come home�to let me leave this horrible place. But I know�my mission isn�t over yet�and I volunteered to do this. I can�t ask him to let me out of my word. I can�t tell him I�m afraid. I can�t tell him I�m miserable. I can�t say anything. I leave the statement unfinished.
Nephrite�s strange angry mood comes rushing back, with even greater violence.
�Take care of yourself, Rachael,� he tells me gruffly�and then he�s gone.
Tears spring to my eyes, even as I try to hold them back. I can�t understand why he�s so angry with me. Well�yes, I guess I do�he �heard� me thinking, and knows how weak I am. He must be�disappointed in me. But�for so long now�I don�t understand it�there�s such a coldness in his voice. He�s so distant. I don�t understand him. It�s like�he hates the very thought of me.
I can�t help myself. I hadn�t let myself dwell on this before, pushing it firmly out of my mind. But now here, with nothing else to turn my mind to�and feeling more alone than I�ve ever felt in my life, even after my mother died�I can�t help it. I lay my head down on my knees and sob like a child.
He came into my life�and claimed me. Everything I had, everything I knew�it�s all gone now. My whole life�my whole self � gone, for him. And he doesn�t care�he doesn�t even want me�he hates me�he hates me! And there�s nothing I can do. Nowhere I can go. But stay here. Because it might help him�because I can�t help it. Because�I love him.
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return to Index / go to Chapter 14
