= = = N = = =

I don’t return to Naru until quite late the next morning, wanting to let her get a good rest. I find her still asleep, but in different clothes. Her colour is better today - not so pale. She looks…happier.

“Naru,” I call softly.

Her eyes fly open wide, shining with hope and fear. She sits up in bed, staring at me unsmiling, studying me with desperate intensity.

“Nephrite,” she says finally, but it is a question. “Is it…you?”

I step slowly over to her and sit down on the edge of her bed, then take her small hand tentatively.

“It’s me. Don’t be afraid.”

“Oh – Nephrite…,” she gasps then, relief and belief washing over her in a wave. She lowers her face to press her cheek against my hand. “When I read your note…I couldn’t believe it. I thought maybe it was a trick of…of that horrible man’s…”

“Zoicite.” I supply the name for the dreaded face. “No. It’s true. It’s me. I’m here.” I stroke her silk-soft hair, comforting her. But the mention of Zoicite reminds me of the danger of my presence…to both of us…to Earth itself. “Naru, listen. Look at me?”

She lifts her face to find my eyes with hers. She’s crying again, but I think it’s relief now instead of misery. I brush a tear away, trailing my thumb slowly along her jaw.

“I’m sorry, Naru-chan, for what you’ve gone through. I did my very best to prevent it…but I failed. I’m sorry.”

She shakes her head, smiling.

“No. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you’re back…that you’re here with me now.”

I return a slight smile, but my heart is still brooding with thoughts of how I’ve hurt her…how I will never do it again.

“I am here,” I repeat, reassuring her, as she has clasped my hand in both of hers, as if afraid I’ll disappear on her yet again. “Naru-chan. I need you to promise me something.”

“Anything,” she says readily, gazing at me as starry-eyed as she ever did…still able to look at me like that, despite all she’s suffered on my account.

“You must not let anyone know that I still live. Not anyone. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” she answers, nodding.

“Not your mother. Not Usagi. No one.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

“Sanjouin Masato…and Nephrite…are dead. And you have to pretend it’s true. Because if anyone finds out it’s not, they’ll be after me again…after you. You must keep it from everyone. You must seem sad, Naru-chan.”

She laughs at me, tears still in her eyes.

“I feel like I’ll never be sad again,” she says. “When we were talking yesterday…in the park…I felt so happy…to be so close to you. And then…when I thought I lost you…I’ve never been so sad. I wanted…to kill myself, Nephrite. I don’t remember coming home…coming to bed. I just wanted to die.”

I grip her hand in mine more tightly, as sorrow threatens to overwhelm her again. She looks up at me, and her smile returns.

“But now…I’m happier than I could ever have imagined.” She giggles again and tilts her head at me. “Maybe now…we could have that chocolate parfait?”

“I’m sorry,” I sigh, meaning it. “But that’s impossible…for now,” I amend as her smile wavers. “Naru…this next little while will be hard for everybody. Dangerous. There are some things I’ve got to explain to you.”

She is quiet while I tell her something of what brought me back to her, and of the current situation…my plans and fears. She looks older than I imagine her, when she’s not smiling. That’s the maturity that suffering brings. And I feel terrible to do all this to her…to blight her happy innocent childhood.

“So you see,” I finish at last, having told her all I can…and all of it the truth, for once. “Things are uncertain…for now. I’m so sorry, Naru-chan, that things can’t be easy…that I can’t promise you I’ll be here forever.”

And I am sorry…desperately sorry now, and torn. Rachael’s words burn in my mind…urging me to take Naru far away, somewhere safe, and face an untroubled future. Naru’s smile is long gone, replaced by a distressed worried look. It’s not fair, her looking like that. I want to make her happy…keep her happy…give her everything…give her myself…all of me. But I can’t. Because part of myself is with my friends. And I’ll never be whole without that part.

“Do you see that I have no choice?” I ask her, making her look at me, caressing her cheek in what is becoming a habit. “I have to try to save them. They’re more than friends. They’ve been through everything I’ve been through, since the beginning, a thousand years ago.” Naru-chan has reached up to touch my face worriedly, as I find myself suddenly overcome with emotion, trying to explain it to her. “They’re part of me, somehow… like family…like brothers. I’ve got to try to help them.”

“I understand, Nephrite-sama,” Naru says softly, soberly.

“I knew you would.” I smile encouragingly at her, and draw closer, bringing my face nearer to hers. She’s so young. And yet, not so, in many ways. I’ve seen her as a woman…such a beautiful woman. And even now I see the promise of that…in those long legs…the curve of her waist. She’s not so very far away. And her eyes are the same. Within this child is that woman, looking out at me…wanting me, as I want her. But…there’s propriety to consider…I suppose.

I kiss her cheek, to our mutual feeling of disappointment. But frustrated lust is a small thing, given the big picture. We’ll survive.

I stand up reluctantly.

“I’m afraid I have to go. Here…,” I dig into my pocket and fish out a paper, handing it to her. “I got a cell-phone. There’s the number. You’re the only one who has it. If you need me, you can always reach me. But don’t forget…”

“You’re dead,” she finishes for me, with a sad quirk of a smile, then looks back down to her hands, toying with the paper.

“To everyone but you. I have something else for you.”

She looks back up to see the small box I’m offering her. She smiles shyly and takes it from me, opening it to find the delicate gold ring within. She doesn’t put it on, staring at it, blinking back tears.

Perhaps she’s overwhelmed, and who can blame her? A simple schoolgirl crush, and look where it’s led her…in such a short time. She’s caught now…tangled in this web of fate and history…with the rest of us. Fate, is it? Was she meant for me – this passionate, vivacious child…or have I at last begun to make my own path…my own life.

She still hasn’t put the ring on, and I sit back down on the bed and take the box from her, holding her eye as I slip the band around her slender finger.

“It’s a token, Naru,” I tell her, thinking perhaps that she’s afraid it’s more. “A symbol. Something of me, for you to keep. To remind you that I…”

I find my voice suddenly restricted, and I’m surprised at the sudden depths of my emotion. I fight to remain audible, fight to keep her eye.

“I’ve never given anyone a ring…not in all these years. There have been girls enough. But I’ve never felt this way. What you are to me, I can’t even explain. You’ve drawn me out of a darkness…indescribable. You’ve saved me, and made me whole again. I am yours…heart and soul and flesh. That’s what it means, Naru. When I can’t be with you, you can look at this ring, and…remember that.”

I’m a coward. Why can I not say it? I would walk through fire for her…what are three mere words? They will not change things…won’t seal her to me for eternity…won’t mean an unbreakable promise…it’s far too late. It’s already so, within my heart…and there remains only the words to affirm it…a token, like the ring…perhaps the token Naru is waiting for.

I screw up my courage…resign all my defences…and lay my naked heart before her.

“I love you, Naru-chan. And with my last breath, I will try to be worthy of you.”

= = = R = = =

When Kunzite teleports us back to his tower, Zoicite is thankfully not there. I stand where I materialized as Kunzite moves about the dimly lit room, finally taking a seat in an evilly gothic carven chair. He notices me eventually, still standing immobile.

“You’re dismissed,” he orders offhandedly, nodding his head towards the deeper darkness at the fringes of the room. “But you will stay close, ready at my summons. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” I answer quietly. I step slightly towards the shadows he indicated, peering nervously into the gloom. “My lord…? Where do I go to eat? Or to sleep?”

He turns to look at me, his forehead creased in annoyance and incomprehension.

“You’re a youma now,” he tells me harshly, turning his face away. “You will do as they do.”

I can see that our ‘conversation’ is over and I look again into the darkness. I step slowly away from him, and as I grow accustomed to the dimness I notice several other figures sitting motionlessly, watching me with ghostly white eyes. I find an unoccupied stretch of wall and sit down against it unsurely. The floor is freezing and hard as a rock. It is rock, actually. I can see Kunzite sitting, his back to me, in the lighter warmer room. Perfect, I suppose, for my ‘mission’. I can observe him at my leisure. But how can I stay here…for days on end…like this? How do all these youma manage it?

I turn to look at my nearest neighbour who, to my discomfort, is staring at me. It’s too dark in here to discern much of her eccentric costume, but she looks female to me.

“Hi,” I venture quietly, as a prelude…but I get no further. The blank eyes narrow at me in what is either incomprehension or pure evil. I shut my mouth and draw my arms around my knees, reflecting on my answer. They manage it because they’re empty inside…like drones, I guess. No will of their own…except perhaps the will to kill me. I keep my eyes fixed on Kunzite, almost missing him. Evil or not, at least he’s…human.

…

Time goes by unnoticed. I can’t tell if it’s minutes or hours, having nothing but the beat of my heart to go by. Kunzite sleeps in his chair. The youma still stare at me. And I stare at Kunzite. A motionless tableau. The adrenalin rush of initial terror has worn off now, and my eyes are threatening to shut from the deadly boredom. But I daren’t.

Just when I feel that I’ll have to stand up to keep myself from falling asleep, a whirling cloud of pink appears near Kunzite’s chair…and Zoicite appears. Fear pours over me with the shock of ice water. I desperately freeze every muscle, even though I haven’t moved in hours. Zoicite turns his fine-boned face in my direction, glancing quickly around, and as his gaze travels past mine, I can’t even breathe, certain that he will sniff me out…see the fear in me. But he doesn’t, and I thank god for this obscuring darkness. I feel a rush of dizzy relief as he turns his attention to Kunzite, laying a hand lightly on his shoulder.

I calm my pounding heart to listen. Despite their distance, their voices carry clearly to me, bouncing easily off the expanse of stone. Zoicite mentions nijizuishou…crystals and trapped warriors…and he’s fuming over the appearance of a new senshi – Sailor Jupiter. Kunzite is quiet and thoughtful, balancing Zoicite’s passion. He hasn’t risen, while Zoicite paces relentlessly around his chair. Then suddenly, Zoicite steps up beside him and leans over to embrace his neck, stretching out one hand before him…showing off a glittering crystal. Kunzite smiles delightedly, taking the gem and holding it up to see the light shine through it.

“Well done, Zoi,” he approves quietly. “Beryl will be pleased.”

Zoicite glows at Kunzite’s praise, resting his head against Kunzite’s in what looks like tenderness.

“Six more,” he says softly. “They will be ours.”

Kunzite doesn’t return the crystal to Zoicite, but rises to place it reverently in a case upon a table.

“Six more,” he agrees, staring down at it with dark desire. He turns suddenly to Zoicite, with a different tone.

“Time to find the next one.”

“Hai,” Zoicite obeys meekly. He produces another crystal, holding it up and calling upon it. It responds with a rush of light…a projection of an image…a man, clothed in black…in a cassock, I think. A minister?

Zoicite laughs – that horrible laugh that freezes my blood.

“What a joke.”

“Deal with him,” Kunzite orders with cold sobriety.

“Tomorrow, my dear one,” Zoicite nearly sighs, moving closer to Kunzite, stepping back against him, into his embrace, still regarding the image. “It’s night there now. Tomorrow I’ll have him. And God help him.”

Zoicite laughs like a maniac at his own humour, and even Kunzite joins in, turning Zoicite in his arms to look down at him. He reaches down to toy with a curl of golden hair. He says something, but it’s too soft for me to catch. And suddenly they’re gone, in a blue flash of energy.

The sudden depths of silence they leave behind startle me. I feel suddenly, frighteningly, how utterly alone I am – zombie-youma not withstanding. I could weep, I feel so lost and afraid…and I fight not to. I think of Nephrite. Of why I’m here. I tell myself that warriors don’t cry.

Thinking of my mission reminds me that I ought to report. I clear my mind of all its muddled emotion and focus on Nephrite…begging the stars to reach him. I wait…and wait. It seems hopeless, and I’m about to give up…when a voice floats into my brain.

“Rachael?”

“Yes, Nephrite…it’s me,” I think excitedly…so relieved to ‘hear’ his voice…to have some confirmation of who I am…that I’m still alive. “I’ve learned some things I thought you should know…”

I tell him what I’ve seen, about the new senshi and about the 7 nijizuishou. But he dismisses this – he’s learned it already from watching Sailor Moon. I feel slightly crestfallen, but pass on to him the image of the priest…the next nijizuishou carrier.

“Who is he? Where do we find him?” Nephrite demands of me impatiently.

“I…don’t know,” I falter sadly. “I only know what I’ve told you. How will Zoicite find him?”

“He has the crystal to guide him. We don’t,” Nephrite answers frustratedly.

I ponder a moment, feeling miserable.

“Well…perhaps the stars can tell you?” I suggest lifelessly after a moment. I can feel Nephrite mull this over. It’s very odd…almost like when we shared a consciousness…I can feel his feelings as well as hear his thoughts. For a moment, his irritation and anger fade, replaced by speculative hope.

“Perhaps that will work,” he says more gently. “And if you hear any more, you let me know.”

“Nephrite I…,” I begin, my loneliness and fear creeping back to me, at the prospect of losing him. I catch the words though, before I speak them. I want to beg him to let me come home…to let me leave this horrible place. But I know…my mission isn’t over yet…and I volunteered to do this. I can’t ask him to let me out of my word. I can’t tell him I’m afraid. I can’t tell him I’m miserable. I can’t say anything. I leave the statement unfinished.

Nephrite’s strange angry mood comes rushing back, with even greater violence.

“Take care of yourself, Rachael,” he tells me gruffly…and then he’s gone.

Tears spring to my eyes, even as I try to hold them back. I can’t understand why he’s so angry with me. Well…yes, I guess I do…he ‘heard’ me thinking, and knows how weak I am. He must be…disappointed in me. But…for so long now…I don’t understand it…there’s such a coldness in his voice. He’s so distant. I don’t understand him. It’s like…he hates the very thought of me.

I can’t help myself. I hadn’t let myself dwell on this before, pushing it firmly out of my mind. But now here, with nothing else to turn my mind to…and feeling more alone than I’ve ever felt in my life, even after my mother died…I can’t help it. I lay my head down on my knees and sob like a child.

He came into my life…and claimed me. Everything I had, everything I knew…it’s all gone now. My whole life…my whole self – gone, for him. And he doesn’t care…he doesn’t even want me…he hates me…he hates me! And there’s nothing I can do. Nowhere I can go. But stay here. Because it might help him…because I can’t help it. Because…I love him.